Living by invisible rules

Do you often find yourself thinking ‘I should’ or ‘I ought’? Perhaps accompanied by feelings of inadequacy that you are failing to meet an expectation?

Shoulds, oughts, and musts can fuel anxiety and depression; they place us under pressure to conform to an ideal, and failing to meet these expectations can lead to shame. They are a way to beat yourself up, often on a daily basis, but rarely lead to meaningful change.

So, how can you foster a more helpful way of thinking? 

The first step is awareness - notice when you are thinking or saying a ‘should/ought/must’, without judgement, just notice.

The second step is to see them for what they are – a set of rules you have picked up along the way, about how you ‘should’ be living your life rather than how you want to live it.

Step three – consider what your values and passions are. These are what you can choose to shape your life by.

Ways of thinking take time to develop and, therefore, take time to change, but once you make a choice, you are on your way!